Sitting here, with tears spilling from my eyes.  Out of nowhere comes the immensity of loss. Today, I don’t even know what triggered the feelings – perhaps it’s the memories that come with spring; seeing plants bursting with new growth – flowers opening – remembering hours and days filled with dirt covered hands and clothes – the joys of filling the truck with God’s creation that we had planted and cared for. Or maybe it’s the realization once again that I can’t pick up the phone and share…or question…or laugh…or complain. All decisions are now mine.

As hard as I try, there is a pocket of emptiness that ‘doing’ just can’t fill. Day blends into night and back into day and I cannot fill all the hours. Joy is fleeting.

But, sitting here, pen in hand, I still know and believe in His faithfulness. He says that He heals the brokenhearted. He binds the wounded. He is great and mighty. His presence is real.

Tomorrow the sun will shine brightly and I will worship my Savior as I begin my day. I will trust in His plan, knowing that I have a future. He calls me to a new path – and perhaps that’s the very reason why the tears fall. The path is now different. The focus has changed. My partner is now Him. I am all His. The pain of this life eases a little each day. Time heals. Joy now comes with sharing His love. I’m learning that a heart broken, can share His love. I don’t think the Bear would want it any other way.