The Pity Pool

It’s a slippery slope climbing out of the pity pool. We find our footing but just under the water surface, it’s still muddy. It clings to our feet, squishes between our toes and sucks us in again. We try to move forward but cannot extricate our feet from the mud, sometimes momentum pulls us forward causing us to lose our balance and fall face first into the mess once again.

For me, I’ve found that I am caught when my focus doesn’t change, just my desire changes. I carry with me the remnants of past experiences. I want so badly to be different, to react in a loving, caring, forgiving manner, but the hurt remains. It is startling to realize that a tiny little piece of hurt can pull me back into the pity pool.

Constant criticism builds a memory bank of issues that are like flypaper. My actions, whether the condemnation was justified or not, will rise to the surface when a sight, a sound, or even a smell brings to mind a time of pain. Walking away from the negative stops the bleeding, the pain, for the moment but it doesn’t erase the memory.

Some time back, I began to realize the need for change. At the same time, I was growing in my relationship with the Lord. I learned about God’s forgiveness of me-what He was willing to sacrifice so that I could have a relationship with Him. I learned that for me to enjoy the release that forgiveness offers that I had to stop thinking about myself. Looking at situations through the eyes of the other gave me an awareness of how situational pity can be. The hurt from words quickly spoken without regard for their impact was a big issue for me. I had endured so much growing up that an apology was immediate from me but forgiveness was not.

I struggled for a long time until I finally realized and accepted just how deeply God loves me. Acceptance is the key. Combined with faith in His word, His promises, and His comfort…all the joys that only come when trust is strong has made my days fruitful.

It’s not easy to stay out of the quagmire. I have learned that a daily quiet time is essential. I have learned that I cannot do this alone, that I need strong, God-fearing friends to speak to me when I am falling. I have learned that I cannot allow myself access to negative thinking. I judiciously stay away from social media posts that have a negative bent – the ‘if-then’ statements that are all too often feeding that ‘pity me’ syndrome. I look for the positive focus in Scripture – lessons with a truism that will strengthen me. I look for the praises of the day. I often ask myself ‘what is the joy in this situation?’ The joy of the moment proves the end result. The trials will end and I will pass out of the pity pool. On the solid rock, I stand. Filled. But ever mindful of the slippery slope.

The Susanna Wesley Effect

The desire for a daily devotional time has been a topic of conversation recently. A group of ladies at Westside is studying A Place of Quiet Rest by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. The need for time with the Father is very close to my heart. My commitment to this began over 25 years ago. I really can’t remember when but I do remember the circumstances and they were a challenge.

My mornings began early because I prepared a full breakfast and lunch for my high school son who ran track and cross country. His school day began around 7:15 am which required that I rise no later than 6 am. When I made the decision to spend time each morning with the Father I had to be awake by 5 am. Sounds terrible, doesn’t it! If you aren’t a ‘morning person’ an early morning commitment is a definite challenge.

But let me share my ‘real’ reason behind my commitment…quoting from Nancy’s book The Quiet Place, Daily Devotional Readings, she says, “…children will often cultivate an appetite for what they are fed in their earliest, formative years and for that which they know claims the true affections of their parents.” She goes on to say, “…you can’t underestimate the value of children growing up in an environment where parents love God fervently and where they prize what is pure, good, and eternal.”

Thankfully, at some point, we, Barry and I, figured this out. Sadly, a lot of our understanding came after our boys were bigger and testing the independence waters.

Barry often told the story of Susanna Wesley, mother of John Wesley, who found time every day, sometimes multiple times a day, to pray. It is said of her that when she felt the need to pray she would sit in a kitchen chair and throw her apron over her face signaling to the children that she was not to be disturbed. Most of us don’t wear aprons when we’re cooking and we’re usually multitasking anyway so this technique wouldn’t work. But, the point is that the children knew that Mom was about the Lord’s business and she wasn’t to be disturbed. I know, right! I can compare this to the years that I worked in sales from home. My lifeline was the telephone but every time it rang it was like a signal to the kids that Mom wasn’t going to be paying attention so they could do anything and everything that came to mind, or they were supposed to interrupt my conversation to ask for something.

It all comes down to sacrifice…on your part. Not unlike Jesus’ willingness to sacrifice for us, we must be willing to sacrifice for Him. Parents are focused on training their children. Your quiet time is a sacrifice that you must make for them. Accept that you might be inconvenienced; that you might lose a little sleep; and that it requires planning on your part. The joy comes when you realize the ‘perfect result’.

‘Heed the sound of my cry for help, my King, and my God, for to You I pray. In the morning, O LORD, you will hear my voice; in the morning I will order my prayer to You and eagerly watch.’ Psalm 5:2-3 

Even if…

One of my favorite songs right now is ‘Even If’ sung by MercyMe. My emotions are stirred as I listen to and contemplate the message.

Life’s challenges are a constant stream of choices and results. Sometimes we win and see success; other times we lose and must regroup and try again. Think of King David over and over being confronted with enemies, even those in his own family. His confidence in the Lord’s protection, although he withered and cried out for relief, remained strong. “But You, O LORD, are a shield about me, my glory and the lifter of my head.”(Psalm 3:3) There have been many times when I have done as the song says ‘reminding the broken that it will be alright.’ God shields me.

We all know that it ‘is easy to sing when there’s nothing to bring me down.’ More than once I have been told, ‘I didn’t realize that you were struggling.’ God carried me.

When God chooses to ‘leave mountains unmovable,’ where does my faith take me? On those days when the darkness doesn’t leave with the sunrise, the Word pulls me in. Releasing my personal concerns in conversation with the Father gives them voice. Often just hearing them spoken out loud brings a realization of answers. But God knows that the ‘perfect result’ comes when I find joy in the trials. Whether He answers immediately or seems to leave the ‘mountain unmovable,’ I know that He gives me the strength to carry on. God strengthens me.

But God knows me. He knows my needs. He knows how far He can push me with the test. I believe He watches over me. He chose me and now He chooses to care for me. I choose to know God. I choose to hide His word in my heart. I choose to call out to Him in my distress. I choose to accept His love. My hope is You alone, Lord. I will cling to You.

Even if…

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Step by Step

“Sometimes the night was beautiful
Sometimes the sky was so far away
Sometimes it seemed to stoop so close
You could touch it but your heart would break “

I sometimes wish I could remember the when’s and why’s of my life. For example, when did I happen upon Rich Mullins CD that included this song? It was a life-changer for me. I am a lover of melody and a daughter of the 70’s, so the folk song style appealed to me. But the words…the words are what drew me.

Years before I knew Him, the Father was at work in my heart. I was fascinated by the night sky. Even though I lived in suburbia, it was still possible to see the stars at night. The beauty of the dark was its enveloping sense that made me feel safe and warm. What we take for granted today, the movement of satellites, men traveling through space, even living in space stations, was new and somewhat unbelievable. I chased an understanding of all that space exploration meant.

“Sometimes the morning came too soon
Sometimes the day could be so hot
There was so much work left to do
But so much You'd already done”

“Let me hear Your loving-kindness in the morning; for I trust in You. Teach me the way in which I should walk; for to You I lift up my soul.” Psalm 143:8

The peace of the night is followed by the peace of the morning. Always an early riser, I find the Father in the quiet of the still air. The work of the day must wait. The promises, found and too often not believed, are many. Immersing myself in the Word, teaches me what work I must do, what promises I will see fulfilled.

Sometimes I think of Abraham
How one star he saw had been lit for me
He was a stranger in this land
And I am that, no less than he 

Abraham received one of those promises. “…indeed I will greatly bless you, and I will greatly multiply your seed as the stars of the heavens…” Genesis 22:17 As he gazed at the sky on that day when God had asked the unbelievable of him, he saw my star. An amazing promise of life everlasting was given in that moment.

Abraham did not focus on the uncertainty of God’s plan, but boldly set out to follow. How many times have I second guessed the Lord’s prompting? How many times have I said, ‘No, not now, ‘to God? As Rich Mullins says, “I am…no less than he.” God’s desire is to use me. His prompting is my action plan.

And on this road to righteousness
Sometimes the climb can be so steep
I may falter in my steps
But never beyond Your reach

Again, He promises. The climb will be steep; sometimes so difficult that my steps may falter, but I will never be beyond His reach. What task have you ever decided against doing because you felt inadequate? Have you ever said, “No, not me?” I know that I have many times. When God prompts, He places my feet on solid ground; and even when I run ahead of Him, choosing my own path, I am still never beyond His reach. When I choose to be a team player, we, He and I, can accomplish much.

Oh God, You are my God
And I will ever praise You
I will seek You in the morning
And I will learn to walk in Your ways
And step by step You'll lead me
And I will follow You all of my days

So today, as every day, I seek You. It is morning. Coffee in hand I sit down to bask in the love that is abundant in Your Word. You, Father, are my God. I choose to praise You. I choose to seek You. I choose to walk in Your ways, knowing that step by step You’ll lead me. I choose to follow You all of my days.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-b7TQMoZsM

Today, six good friends left for a Gospel sharing mission trip to Kenya. Each member of the group has a special place in my heart. The connections are very personal but ultimately each one chooses to walk with the Father and to obey the call on his or her life.

Several months ago I met with Stephen and Brenda to learn just how they share when on the field. I came away from that evening challenged to prepare myself much more thoroughly for my upcoming mission trip in October. God seems to bring them to mind constantly and so I have thought a lot about their purpose and its challenge over the past few weeks.

Each team member is charged with learning Bible stories from Genesis to Jesus being taken up to heaven. On the field, walking the people through the Bible, story by story, is a task shared by all. After my trip last year to Brazil, I came home with a great desire to be able to share the Bible orally with my friends who do not read. Imagine my frustration as someone who relies on her Bible for nourishment daily to discover that the ladies I was talking with had never looked at the Bible they were given the year before. We treasure our Bibles, we even buy multiple translations but their Bibles are as clean and unused as the day we gave them. My heart was broken.

So I embarked on a plan to learn those stories so that I might also share from Genesis to Jesus’ ascension. As a visual learner, I knew that writing, or note-taking, was the best way for me to learn. I was truly amazed to receive new insight into Scriptures that I have read many times. What a learning experience! This is not to say that I am prepared today to share all the stories but by October I will be. As I think about my friend Alda, I cannot wait to share with her the story of the women who followed Jesus. Just think of what a witness she can be to her friends once she hears how Jesus healed the blind man or how He loved Mary and Martha. What emotion will she feel when she hears the 23^rd Psalm?

184 pages handwritten burned into my mind. From Genesis to Acts, sometimes writing the same story from all four Gospels, I have learned or been reminded of the magnificence and love of the Father. All in for this adventure, I no longer wonder ‘what is God’s purpose for my life?’ It’s all about bringing Him glory; exploring the depths of my devotion to find the courage, wisdom, fortitude, and diligence to go, as often as I can, to share Jesus. I do believe that a certain amazing man, who never knew someone with whom he couldn’t share, would be very happy with me today. That’s a very good feeling.

“Let me hear Your lovingkindness in the morning; for I trust in You; teach me the way in which I should walk; for to You I lift up my soul.”

Psalm 143:8 NASB

I’m a verb kinda girl. I guess it’s the English major in me that makes the ‘action’ words in a sentence jump off the page and into my mind. But it goes farther than that, because ultimately I am a problem solver. I often run past the easy solution to something much harder, much more demanding, much more difficult to accomplish. Too often, I play scenarios over and over in my head before I arrive at a feasible solution. I must take action.

Over the past 25 or so years, as I have devoted the earliest morning hours to studying the Word and talking to the Father, I have experienced just what David is asking for in the Psalm. In the quiet of the moments as the world awakes for another day, I feel His lovingkindness surround me. Like a warm blanket I feel His warmth, His love, His kindness preparing my mind and my heart for the day’s direction.

Those ‘action words’ seem to jump off the page into my thoughts.

“For I trust in You…” I have learned to have confidence in the fulfilling of His promises. We sing ‘it’s Your endless love pouring down on us” believing that His promise of eternity is trustworthy. He says that ‘I am with you always’ so He teaches me the way I should walk. Each day His words fill my thoughts. The temptations of the world aren’t far from my mind, but more and more frequently they are pushed aside. I am overwhelmed with His directions. I find myself choosing to ‘walk the way in which I should walk.’

The blessing of the day: He lifts up my soul. Trials, temptations, anger, bitterness, troubles, all seem to fade in importance. Perfect love yields perfect trust when I surrender to His lovingkindness in the morning quiet.