It’s a slippery slope climbing out of the pity pool. We
find our footing but just under the water surface,
it’s still muddy. It clings to our feet, squishes between our toes and sucks us
in again. We try to move forward but cannot extricate our feet from the mud,
sometimes momentum pulls us forward causing us to lose our balance and fall
face first into the mess once again.
For me, I’ve found
that I am caught when my focus doesn’t change, just my desire changes. I carry
with me the remnants of past experiences. I want so badly to be different, to
react in a loving, caring, forgiving manner, but the hurt remains. It is startling
to realize that a tiny little piece of hurt can pull me back into the pity
pool.
Constant criticism builds a memory bank of issues that are
like flypaper. My actions, whether the condemnation was justified or not, will rise
to the surface when a sight, a sound, or even a smell brings to mind a time of
pain. Walking away from the negative stops the bleeding, the pain, for the
moment but it doesn’t erase the memory.
Some time back, I began to realize the need for change.
At the same time, I was growing in my relationship with the Lord. I learned about God’s forgiveness of me-what He was
willing to sacrifice so that I could have a relationship with Him. I learned
that for me to enjoy the release that forgiveness offers that I had to stop
thinking about myself. Looking at situations through the eyes of the other gave
me an awareness of how situational pity can be. The hurt from words quickly
spoken without regard for their impact was a big issue for me. I had endured so
much growing up that an apology was immediate from me but forgiveness was not.
I struggled for a long time until I finally realized and
accepted just how deeply God loves me. Acceptance is the key. Combined with faith
in His word, His promises, and His comfort…all the joys that only come when
trust is strong has made my days fruitful.
It’s not easy to stay out of the quagmire. I have learned
that a daily quiet time is essential. I have learned that I cannot do this
alone, that I need strong, God-fearing friends to speak to me when I am
falling. I have learned that I cannot allow
myself access to negative thinking. I judiciously stay away from social media
posts that have a negative bent – the ‘if-then’
statements that are all too often feeding that ‘pity me’ syndrome. I look for
the positive focus in Scripture – lessons with a truism that will strengthen
me. I look for the praises of the day. I often ask myself ‘what is the joy in
this situation?’ The joy of the moment proves the end result. The trials will
end and I will pass out of the pity pool. On the solid rock, I stand. Filled. But ever mindful of the slippery slope.
