Step by Step

“Sometimes the night was beautiful
Sometimes the sky was so far away
Sometimes it seemed to stoop so close
You could touch it but your heart would break “

I sometimes wish I could remember the when’s and why’s of my life. For example, when did I happen upon Rich Mullins CD that included this song? It was a life-changer for me. I am a lover of melody and a daughter of the 70’s, so the folk song style appealed to me. But the words…the words are what drew me.

Years before I knew Him, the Father was at work in my heart. I was fascinated by the night sky. Even though I lived in suburbia, it was still possible to see the stars at night. The beauty of the dark was its enveloping sense that made me feel safe and warm. What we take for granted today, the movement of satellites, men traveling through space, even living in space stations, was new and somewhat unbelievable. I chased an understanding of all that space exploration meant.

“Sometimes the morning came too soon
Sometimes the day could be so hot
There was so much work left to do
But so much You'd already done”

“Let me hear Your loving-kindness in the morning; for I trust in You. Teach me the way in which I should walk; for to You I lift up my soul.” Psalm 143:8

The peace of the night is followed by the peace of the morning. Always an early riser, I find the Father in the quiet of the still air. The work of the day must wait. The promises, found and too often not believed, are many. Immersing myself in the Word, teaches me what work I must do, what promises I will see fulfilled.

Sometimes I think of Abraham
How one star he saw had been lit for me
He was a stranger in this land
And I am that, no less than he 

Abraham received one of those promises. “…indeed I will greatly bless you, and I will greatly multiply your seed as the stars of the heavens…” Genesis 22:17 As he gazed at the sky on that day when God had asked the unbelievable of him, he saw my star. An amazing promise of life everlasting was given in that moment.

Abraham did not focus on the uncertainty of God’s plan, but boldly set out to follow. How many times have I second guessed the Lord’s prompting? How many times have I said, ‘No, not now, ‘to God? As Rich Mullins says, “I am…no less than he.” God’s desire is to use me. His prompting is my action plan.

And on this road to righteousness
Sometimes the climb can be so steep
I may falter in my steps
But never beyond Your reach

Again, He promises. The climb will be steep; sometimes so difficult that my steps may falter, but I will never be beyond His reach. What task have you ever decided against doing because you felt inadequate? Have you ever said, “No, not me?” I know that I have many times. When God prompts, He places my feet on solid ground; and even when I run ahead of Him, choosing my own path, I am still never beyond His reach. When I choose to be a team player, we, He and I, can accomplish much.

Oh God, You are my God
And I will ever praise You
I will seek You in the morning
And I will learn to walk in Your ways
And step by step You'll lead me
And I will follow You all of my days

So today, as every day, I seek You. It is morning. Coffee in hand I sit down to bask in the love that is abundant in Your Word. You, Father, are my God. I choose to praise You. I choose to seek You. I choose to walk in Your ways, knowing that step by step You’ll lead me. I choose to follow You all of my days.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-b7TQMoZsM

Today, six good friends left for a Gospel sharing mission trip to Kenya. Each member of the group has a special place in my heart. The connections are very personal but ultimately each one chooses to walk with the Father and to obey the call on his or her life.

Several months ago I met with Stephen and Brenda to learn just how they share when on the field. I came away from that evening challenged to prepare myself much more thoroughly for my upcoming mission trip in October. God seems to bring them to mind constantly and so I have thought a lot about their purpose and its challenge over the past few weeks.

Each team member is charged with learning Bible stories from Genesis to Jesus being taken up to heaven. On the field, walking the people through the Bible, story by story, is a task shared by all. After my trip last year to Brazil, I came home with a great desire to be able to share the Bible orally with my friends who do not read. Imagine my frustration as someone who relies on her Bible for nourishment daily to discover that the ladies I was talking with had never looked at the Bible they were given the year before. We treasure our Bibles, we even buy multiple translations but their Bibles are as clean and unused as the day we gave them. My heart was broken.

So I embarked on a plan to learn those stories so that I might also share from Genesis to Jesus’ ascension. As a visual learner, I knew that writing, or note-taking, was the best way for me to learn. I was truly amazed to receive new insight into Scriptures that I have read many times. What a learning experience! This is not to say that I am prepared today to share all the stories but by October I will be. As I think about my friend Alda, I cannot wait to share with her the story of the women who followed Jesus. Just think of what a witness she can be to her friends once she hears how Jesus healed the blind man or how He loved Mary and Martha. What emotion will she feel when she hears the 23^rd Psalm?

184 pages handwritten burned into my mind. From Genesis to Acts, sometimes writing the same story from all four Gospels, I have learned or been reminded of the magnificence and love of the Father. All in for this adventure, I no longer wonder ‘what is God’s purpose for my life?’ It’s all about bringing Him glory; exploring the depths of my devotion to find the courage, wisdom, fortitude, and diligence to go, as often as I can, to share Jesus. I do believe that a certain amazing man, who never knew someone with whom he couldn’t share, would be very happy with me today. That’s a very good feeling.

“Let me hear Your lovingkindness in the morning; for I trust in You; teach me the way in which I should walk; for to You I lift up my soul.”

Psalm 143:8 NASB

I’m a verb kinda girl. I guess it’s the English major in me that makes the ‘action’ words in a sentence jump off the page and into my mind. But it goes farther than that, because ultimately I am a problem solver. I often run past the easy solution to something much harder, much more demanding, much more difficult to accomplish. Too often, I play scenarios over and over in my head before I arrive at a feasible solution. I must take action.

Over the past 25 or so years, as I have devoted the earliest morning hours to studying the Word and talking to the Father, I have experienced just what David is asking for in the Psalm. In the quiet of the moments as the world awakes for another day, I feel His lovingkindness surround me. Like a warm blanket I feel His warmth, His love, His kindness preparing my mind and my heart for the day’s direction.

Those ‘action words’ seem to jump off the page into my thoughts.

“For I trust in You…” I have learned to have confidence in the fulfilling of His promises. We sing ‘it’s Your endless love pouring down on us” believing that His promise of eternity is trustworthy. He says that ‘I am with you always’ so He teaches me the way I should walk. Each day His words fill my thoughts. The temptations of the world aren’t far from my mind, but more and more frequently they are pushed aside. I am overwhelmed with His directions. I find myself choosing to ‘walk the way in which I should walk.’

The blessing of the day: He lifts up my soul. Trials, temptations, anger, bitterness, troubles, all seem to fade in importance. Perfect love yields perfect trust when I surrender to His lovingkindness in the morning quiet.

Finding Hope

Took some time today to read back through some of my journal entries over the past 45 months since losing the Bear.

At times my words were full of questions.  I wrote forcefully of my resolve. There were ups and downs of emotions. Lots of tears. Lots of prayers. Calling out to God for some consolation. Seeking His direction.

Always a reader, my writing is interspersed with comments about current books I was reading. It seemed that whatever I picked up spoke to the trials of the moment and I commented on encouragement that I received from the author. It didn’t seem to matter if it was a book with a theological bent or book full of life applications, I benefited.

Perhaps the most encouraging and life altering book that I read was entitled Hope Prevails by Dr. Michelle Bengtson. Hope was the one theme that ran throughout my journaling. Reading this book shook me out of the depression doldrums. Her writing showed me the rabbit holes that I had fallen into and helped me to find a way out.

I distinctly remember a day when I was speaking to a friend and had the sudden realization that she was wearing a red shirt. I know that I startled her when I blurted out, ‘Your shirt is red!’ For months I had been functioning in cloud of indifference. Focus eluded me. Other than the necessities of life, I was not accomplishing anything. Not moving forward. Wallowing in my pity party. But on that day, I saw red! There were colors everywhere! I felt happiness, joy but most of all hope.

For months I had complained to God about pulling the rug out from under me. Why was I alone? I didn’t want or like to make decisions…at least not the final decision. I hadn’t made money decisions, the final ones, in years. How was I supposed to manage emotionally with my best friend gone? There didn’t seem to be a logical reason for what had happened. 

Reading through Hope Prevails I discovered the underlying answer to all those questions. My hope had never changed. I was still His. I still walked with Him. He had given me hope when I found Him and that had not changed. As I read back through my journal, I saw my hope pull me up each time I started to sink. The depression that I experienced actually gave me a greater understanding of the hope that lies only in Him.

I have shared that shortly after the Bear’s passing a friend encouraged me to not be afraid to seek medical help if necessary. My reaction was…’Depression? Christian’s don’t experience depression.’ I truly thought she was totally wrong. In reality…she was totally right. When I finally emerged from the pit, I did so with a new understanding and appreciation for Christian friends. I wish I had listened. It was months later before I found Hope Prevails.

Dr. Michelle has written a Bible study that walks you through the content of Hope Prevails. It’s a twelve week study that works with individuals or with groups. It’s called Hope Prevails Bible Study. Just like the book it is full of Scripture. I have written all of them in a notebook for reference when life just challenges me.

I don’t know that depression is something you can walk away from and never experience again. I do know that I have been encouraged and blessed by these two books. I have shared Hope Prevails with friends who have also found it to be helpful. I look forward to working through the Bible study with some close friends soon.

If you, or someone you know, is dealing with loss or life trials, and is depressed, share this with them. Take time to read it yourself. You will learn so much about yourself and how God has blessed us with His hope. 

What is standing in the way of your relationship with Christ? On that day when you surrendered your will to Him, something changed inside. You started over. You became new.

If you have ever painted a room you know how fresh and clean walls look. When we allow Jesus to cleanse us, we feel fresh and clean. We look new.  When we see ourselves in the mirror we can bask in that newness. But just like the new paint that gets soiled, chipped, scraped and without constant effort to maintain the freshness will eventually become tarnished, our old ugliness bleeds through.

So how do we, as the faithful in Christ, maintain our newness?

Honor your covenant. Choose to stay close and tight with Him. Establish a daily quiet time. There is a sacrifice built into that statement. It might mean getting out of bed a few minutes earlier than your normal so that you can be alone with the Father. It might mean eating lunch alone so that you and He can converse. Maybe it means creating a War Room where you can visually see your concerns. The key word is sacrifice. Remember that Jesus went off by Himself over and over to talk directly with His Father. You do the same. (Mark 1:35)

In your quiet time, open the Scriptures. The Book is simply amazing. There are stories to tell, insights to learn, challenges to be accepted, incredible solutions to problems, people just like me…and you, as well as a few rules to follow. I cannot open my Bible without encountering a new understanding or a reminder of a message that I have forgotten. I especially enjoy reading through the Bible with a daily devotional that offers Scripture from different books each day such as passages from Isaiah, Proverbs, Psalms and Galatians. I read through the Bible each year with a spirit of adventure – what new insight will I gain?

Pray. Talk to God.  What a great listener He is! Just like a mother who loves to hear her child’s voice on the phone, He loves to hear from us. Don’t be embarrassed to speak aloud to Him. He knows our thoughts before we speak them, but He loves to hear our voice. Conversing with God is like talking to your best friend – you finish each other’s sentences, you supply each other’s words, some things don’t even need to be said – they are just understood. You will be filled with a sense of joy and hope – of understanding – peace.

So often friends will say, ‘My mind wanders when I try to pray.’ Clear it before you begin by writing things down. Develop a prayer list or journal your concerns. Date your entries. By writing them down your mind will stay focused. You will find encouragement in looking back through the entries and seeing God’s hands at work.

Share. Share Him. If there is anything that I regret about my life, it’s my unwillingness to confidently share Him. I simply chose to believe that I couldn’t – so I didn’t. When He fills your heart with His presence, it eventually overflows. It cannot be contained. Rather than try to hold it in, let it flow. He promises that He will guide you as you share. Believe Him. The seed cannot begin to grow until it is planted. Never feel less than because all you see yourself doing is planting. Someone else might be the harvester and that’s alright. Just share.

Tell your story. Where were you before Christ? What happened to open your heart and your eyes? Share your excitement for today. So simple and yet so profound your own story makes it real and reachable.

Finally, live for Him. Scripture challenges us to live for Christ. (Phil. 1:21) It has taken me a long time to understand that my life is not mine. Losing me to live for Him wasn’t an overnight change. I vividly remember a conversation that Barry and I had about how blessed we were that our trials seemed to have been easy compared to some. I cannot say that today. But I can say that living life through the fire has changed my focus. Self has taken a backseat to the call. Giving Him glory everyday despite difficult circumstances is my focus.

Enjoy His love and care. Focus on the hope He offers. Look for the joy in your circumstances. Praise Him for the good and the bad. Realize that you might not understand or even like His purpose for you but He is a good, good Father loving you every nanosecond of the day. Trust Him. He is faithful.

On September 1, 2012 I posted this...

What If I Had Never Found Him?

One day recently, while working side by side, my husband asked me if I had ever considered what my life would be like without the Lord. Wow! He had obviously been thinking about this in reference to himself but it really startled me. So, for about two weeks, I've been musing - is this an important matter? Has it made a difference? If it has, then how? What would I have missed without His forgiveness and love? Here are just a few of the things I've come up with so far...

* One God
* A true friend - no friendship can equal His
* Unconditional love from a Savior full of grace
* Shelter
* Defender
* Loving, God-fearing husband
* Loving, God-fearing children
* Loving, God-fearing grandchildren
* Friendships full of God's grace and love
* Opportunities upon opportunities to share His love and to have that love shared right back
* A solid rock on which to stand
* One who I can always count on
* Hope for a fruitful future
* A desire to fulfill His purpose for my life

In reflecting on this, I've realized how many situations and problems I have avoided because my focus was redirected one day back in 1969. I did find Him then and life has never been the same.

Giving Him Glory: Reflections on Being Made 'Flawless'

Giving Him Glory: Reflections on Being Made 'Flawless': No matter the bumps No matter the bruises No matter the scars Still the truth is The cross has made The cross has made you fl...