Finding Hope

Took some time today to read back through some of my journal entries over the past 45 months since losing the Bear.

At times my words were full of questions.  I wrote forcefully of my resolve. There were ups and downs of emotions. Lots of tears. Lots of prayers. Calling out to God for some consolation. Seeking His direction.

Always a reader, my writing is interspersed with comments about current books I was reading. It seemed that whatever I picked up spoke to the trials of the moment and I commented on encouragement that I received from the author. It didn’t seem to matter if it was a book with a theological bent or book full of life applications, I benefited.

Perhaps the most encouraging and life altering book that I read was entitled Hope Prevails by Dr. Michelle Bengtson. Hope was the one theme that ran throughout my journaling. Reading this book shook me out of the depression doldrums. Her writing showed me the rabbit holes that I had fallen into and helped me to find a way out.

I distinctly remember a day when I was speaking to a friend and had the sudden realization that she was wearing a red shirt. I know that I startled her when I blurted out, ‘Your shirt is red!’ For months I had been functioning in cloud of indifference. Focus eluded me. Other than the necessities of life, I was not accomplishing anything. Not moving forward. Wallowing in my pity party. But on that day, I saw red! There were colors everywhere! I felt happiness, joy but most of all hope.

For months I had complained to God about pulling the rug out from under me. Why was I alone? I didn’t want or like to make decisions…at least not the final decision. I hadn’t made money decisions, the final ones, in years. How was I supposed to manage emotionally with my best friend gone? There didn’t seem to be a logical reason for what had happened. 

Reading through Hope Prevails I discovered the underlying answer to all those questions. My hope had never changed. I was still His. I still walked with Him. He had given me hope when I found Him and that had not changed. As I read back through my journal, I saw my hope pull me up each time I started to sink. The depression that I experienced actually gave me a greater understanding of the hope that lies only in Him.

I have shared that shortly after the Bear’s passing a friend encouraged me to not be afraid to seek medical help if necessary. My reaction was…’Depression? Christian’s don’t experience depression.’ I truly thought she was totally wrong. In reality…she was totally right. When I finally emerged from the pit, I did so with a new understanding and appreciation for Christian friends. I wish I had listened. It was months later before I found Hope Prevails.

Dr. Michelle has written a Bible study that walks you through the content of Hope Prevails. It’s a twelve week study that works with individuals or with groups. It’s called Hope Prevails Bible Study. Just like the book it is full of Scripture. I have written all of them in a notebook for reference when life just challenges me.

I don’t know that depression is something you can walk away from and never experience again. I do know that I have been encouraged and blessed by these two books. I have shared Hope Prevails with friends who have also found it to be helpful. I look forward to working through the Bible study with some close friends soon.

If you, or someone you know, is dealing with loss or life trials, and is depressed, share this with them. Take time to read it yourself. You will learn so much about yourself and how God has blessed us with His hope. 

What is standing in the way of your relationship with Christ? On that day when you surrendered your will to Him, something changed inside. You started over. You became new.

If you have ever painted a room you know how fresh and clean walls look. When we allow Jesus to cleanse us, we feel fresh and clean. We look new.  When we see ourselves in the mirror we can bask in that newness. But just like the new paint that gets soiled, chipped, scraped and without constant effort to maintain the freshness will eventually become tarnished, our old ugliness bleeds through.

So how do we, as the faithful in Christ, maintain our newness?

Honor your covenant. Choose to stay close and tight with Him. Establish a daily quiet time. There is a sacrifice built into that statement. It might mean getting out of bed a few minutes earlier than your normal so that you can be alone with the Father. It might mean eating lunch alone so that you and He can converse. Maybe it means creating a War Room where you can visually see your concerns. The key word is sacrifice. Remember that Jesus went off by Himself over and over to talk directly with His Father. You do the same. (Mark 1:35)

In your quiet time, open the Scriptures. The Book is simply amazing. There are stories to tell, insights to learn, challenges to be accepted, incredible solutions to problems, people just like me…and you, as well as a few rules to follow. I cannot open my Bible without encountering a new understanding or a reminder of a message that I have forgotten. I especially enjoy reading through the Bible with a daily devotional that offers Scripture from different books each day such as passages from Isaiah, Proverbs, Psalms and Galatians. I read through the Bible each year with a spirit of adventure – what new insight will I gain?

Pray. Talk to God.  What a great listener He is! Just like a mother who loves to hear her child’s voice on the phone, He loves to hear from us. Don’t be embarrassed to speak aloud to Him. He knows our thoughts before we speak them, but He loves to hear our voice. Conversing with God is like talking to your best friend – you finish each other’s sentences, you supply each other’s words, some things don’t even need to be said – they are just understood. You will be filled with a sense of joy and hope – of understanding – peace.

So often friends will say, ‘My mind wanders when I try to pray.’ Clear it before you begin by writing things down. Develop a prayer list or journal your concerns. Date your entries. By writing them down your mind will stay focused. You will find encouragement in looking back through the entries and seeing God’s hands at work.

Share. Share Him. If there is anything that I regret about my life, it’s my unwillingness to confidently share Him. I simply chose to believe that I couldn’t – so I didn’t. When He fills your heart with His presence, it eventually overflows. It cannot be contained. Rather than try to hold it in, let it flow. He promises that He will guide you as you share. Believe Him. The seed cannot begin to grow until it is planted. Never feel less than because all you see yourself doing is planting. Someone else might be the harvester and that’s alright. Just share.

Tell your story. Where were you before Christ? What happened to open your heart and your eyes? Share your excitement for today. So simple and yet so profound your own story makes it real and reachable.

Finally, live for Him. Scripture challenges us to live for Christ. (Phil. 1:21) It has taken me a long time to understand that my life is not mine. Losing me to live for Him wasn’t an overnight change. I vividly remember a conversation that Barry and I had about how blessed we were that our trials seemed to have been easy compared to some. I cannot say that today. But I can say that living life through the fire has changed my focus. Self has taken a backseat to the call. Giving Him glory everyday despite difficult circumstances is my focus.

Enjoy His love and care. Focus on the hope He offers. Look for the joy in your circumstances. Praise Him for the good and the bad. Realize that you might not understand or even like His purpose for you but He is a good, good Father loving you every nanosecond of the day. Trust Him. He is faithful.

On September 1, 2012 I posted this...

What If I Had Never Found Him?

One day recently, while working side by side, my husband asked me if I had ever considered what my life would be like without the Lord. Wow! He had obviously been thinking about this in reference to himself but it really startled me. So, for about two weeks, I've been musing - is this an important matter? Has it made a difference? If it has, then how? What would I have missed without His forgiveness and love? Here are just a few of the things I've come up with so far...

* One God
* A true friend - no friendship can equal His
* Unconditional love from a Savior full of grace
* Shelter
* Defender
* Loving, God-fearing husband
* Loving, God-fearing children
* Loving, God-fearing grandchildren
* Friendships full of God's grace and love
* Opportunities upon opportunities to share His love and to have that love shared right back
* A solid rock on which to stand
* One who I can always count on
* Hope for a fruitful future
* A desire to fulfill His purpose for my life

In reflecting on this, I've realized how many situations and problems I have avoided because my focus was redirected one day back in 1969. I did find Him then and life has never been the same.

Giving Him Glory: Reflections on Being Made 'Flawless'

Giving Him Glory: Reflections on Being Made 'Flawless': No matter the bumps No matter the bruises No matter the scars Still the truth is The cross has made The cross has made you fl...

Reflections on Being Made 'Flawless'

No matter the bumps

No matter the bruises

No matter the scars

Still the truth is

The cross has made

The cross has made you flawless

No matter the hurt

Or how deep the wound is

No matter the pain

Still the truth is

The cross has made

The cross has made you flawless.

(“Flawless”-MercyMe)

As I walk this new path, alone, but not alone, I have been experiencing an awakening. I have encountered a new deeper understanding of just what the cross means.

Flawless has always meant the beautiful, the perfect, the never dirty, the wise, the focused, the goal oriented – the one which makes no mistakes, always on time and ready for any adventure.

I have never been flawless. I trip over my shoelaces, I don’t mind being dirty, I lose focus more than I have it, I give up on goals too soon, and mistakes are my way of life. I am however, ready for any and all adventures.

I’m guessing that’s why God made me flawless on that day in 1969. On that day, I discovered the cross. Actually, I discovered the blood that was shed on the cross.  Today I understand the true meaning of the cross. Over the past several months my studies have revealed the ‘cleansing’ of the cross. It is sad that until now I didn’t picture myself as ‘washed’ clean. I understood in my mind the concept of cleansing but failed to see the ‘flawless’ me.

To be flawless, perfect in His eyes, is to be ready for whatever He might call me to do. All in to do whatever He might put before me, knowing that if I surrender to His will, He’ll make it to be so.  The bumps, bruises, scars, hurts, wounds, and pain have led me to the truth…He has made me flawless.

 Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.

2 Corinthians 5:17

Arrested by You

Sometime in the early 1990’s I discovered something that has changed my life. No, it wasn’t salvation, that happened many years before, 1969 to be exact. This ‘something’ was a lifestyle change-much like salvation-with far reaching effects.

It was early morning and my alarm clock was playing one of the Bear’s favorite songs. I chose it because I knew he wouldn’t want to get up but would be blessed by the words of the song…”I’ve been arrested by you, take me in, finally captured by you, take me in.” Mr. Romantic loved the song and what it said.

In those quiet, cool, moments of the day I chose to leave the warmth of the bed and with my cup of coffee settle into ‘the chair’ in the living room. That day I began a journey that continues to this day.

I have often wondered what my boys and the Bear thought when Mom chose to get up so early. My youngest, Josh, ran track and cross country all through high school and each morning I prepared a full breakfast and a cooler full of lunch before he left for school which meant that I had to get up no later than 5am. I do know that after a while I couldn’t imagine life without that time in my day.

I began a time with the Father. Over the years that time has grown, not in time, but in its importance to my day. Chatting with a friend the other day I realized that I could probably count on my 10 fingers the number of days that I have not gone to ‘the place’ (now it’s my dining room table – too many books to fit in my lap). Even on those really dark days in 2014 when I knew the end was near for Mr. Romantic, I spent those minutes in His presence.

So just what do I do? I read the Scripture. In the beginning, truth be told, it was just a lot of words. Now it’s the light of my life. Each day I find new hope, new joy, new direction, and answers, all in those amazing words. I might spend a few minutes working through a current Bible study, preparing for a class but the most comfort and encouragement comes from the time spent talking with the Father.

Several years ago, I read a book that outlined a method for prayer – I have used this method since. Some of you reading this are on my ‘list’ – some of life’s events are too – I seek a Scripture each day as I read through the Psalms and the book of John that ministers to me that day.  Immediate prayer needs that have been asked of me, top the Prayers on Demand list.

I say all this to encourage you to try to give the Lord just a little of your time to begin your day. He has not failed to bless my day – despite the trials, despite the hurts or problems of the day – He’s always just a thought away because His thoughts are my thoughts.

Lent has just begun. Not everyone is on board when it comes to giving things up but why not add this? Commit yourself to just 15 less minutes of sleep tomorrow morning. Grab your coffee and the Word and spend some quiet time before the hurry of the day and talk to the Father. I liken this time to the tithe. My blessings overflow because I choose to give back to the Father both my tithe and my time. He will honor your time with Him. He says He will and He always keeps His promises.

40 days. The Jews wandered for 40 years before arriving at home. I’m just suggesting 40 days. You can do it. Let me know you are on board so that I can pray for and with you.

The book pictured takes you through the 40 days leading up to Easter. It’s available in the library at church – copies are for sale and we have a couple that you can checkout.

May you be richly blessed and may this be the beginning of a new way of life for you. 

Sometimes my life seems like this trail...closing in, pathway barely visible. The saturated ground sucks my feet in making each step more and more difficult. The height of the foliage prevents my eyes from seeing too far ahead. The only constant is the sound of the voices of those who walk ahead.

It seems as though I have been walking this trail recently. My thoughts are mired in days overwhelmed with decisions. As much and as often as I seek opinions, I am still the only one who can take the next step. Information, encouragement, prayer are all welcome but still...it comes back to me.

The expression 'can't see the forest for the trees' is very real to me. I am intrigued by many things but all those 'things' clutter my mind leaving me 'driven and tossed by the sea.' I am unable to separate the immediate from the 'this can wait.' Hidden among the 'things' are decisions of great importance. I listen, in my quiet moments, I listen. But, I don't always hear - at least not right away.

Many would say that I need to focus. Yes. Focus is needed. But I have come to realize that too often my focus is in the wrong place, on the wrong thing. Sometime in the past three years of loss, I discovered that when life became a barely visible, saturated pathway, I needed to move my focus away from myself and on to others. First, I had to go to the Father for His direction and then on to sharing His grace as he has shared it with me. Giving away is the trail that leads me back to a life of hope and joy.

There are days when being on my knees before the Father is the only way to see the trail I should choose. Then there are days when the voice of someone dear echoes in my head and I see the warning of the 'rabbit hole.' The voice I choose to hear along the path is that of the One who holds my heart and loves me the deepest and best. I choose to listen.

"The way of the righteous is smooth;" Isaiah 26:7 NASB